Tall, blonde, and a slightly wary look. She oozed intimacy, though, and I offered her a firm, ripe banana.
She declined with an imperious shake of her head. Not that sort of woman, which meant I would need to do more than drool and grunt.
‘Hi,’ I said.
Looked down at my crumpled T-shirt, past the stirring in my shorts, down to my sandaled feet. Shuffled my toes. I was in fine shape.
Looked back up.
She swam back into vision. Like a spectre. Her ruby-red lips parted. There was a gap between her two front teeth. Erotic.
‘Is that it?’
I shook my head. ‘Maybe a couple of pink plums, then?’
Her tinkling laugh trickled past my hearing aid and into my right eardrum where it interacted with common sense. And overcame it.
‘I like strong, silent types,’ she said. ‘You also have a tattoo on your torso?’
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘Can’t you hear? My heartbeat is drumming.’
She moved closer and trickled her fingertips across my chest. Lavender perfume invaded my nostrils and made me sneeze. She extracted a tissue from her bag, gazed into my bloodshot eyes, and wiped away my mucus engulfing a pearl button on her bulging blouse.
Oh, it was a glorious, rapturous moment, heaven sent to capture my very soul. Thunder roared, lightning flashed, rain fell, pigeons shat, and dogs howled.
‘Fuck it,’ she said.
Which, understandably, was a prelude to the promise of frantic coupling later. Clearly, I had swept her off her feet and carried her as a princess back to my self-contained mansion, with a shaky ceiling fan and dripping tap.
I lay back on my pillow while she fed my mouth with her left nipple, and smiled. ‘Darling man,’ she said, ‘can you lend me a little money for a new top?’
Rude to talk with a full mouth, I suckled and nodded.
‘Oh yes,’ she said, delicately removing her protuberance from my gums, and arching her back. ‘And perhaps a gold necklace. Wouldn’t it look good nestling in my cleavage?’
A warning I ignored. Smitten with desire, I sold my soul and gave her anything she desired. And more. Much more. Even my one-eared teddy bear. And my crayons.
One misty day she vanished into the ether.
It took me seven hundred and thirty days to replace my heart. A successful transplant. Sort of.
Embittered. Not now.
And if I ever see that goddam bitch once more, I’d do it all again.